


I Know You

by neverbesatisfied



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 15:32:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5631676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverbesatisfied/pseuds/neverbesatisfied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren is being torn apart.</p><p>aka the thoughts of Kylo Ren on the girl after the battle at the end of The Force Awakens. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know You

The gash on his face flared fiercely as everywhere the ground began caving in on itself. The air around him was vicious in its frigidness, his lungs ached painfully in his chest as he tried to catch his breath, while his arm staggered under the weight of holding himself up. His ebony hair blew into his eyes that were tearing up from the wind, and try as he might, he could not find the strength to stand. There were so many burns on his body, all he could do was lay in the cold and watch as her retreating figure faded away beyond the shaking trees, running from him and back to the traitors trying to destroy everything he was building.

Traitors. Liars. Thieves.

Blood pounding in his ears and the roar of a planet imploding was all that he could hear as the ground shook more violently, jostling him where he laid and threatening to collapse beneath him. He knew the First Order was preparing to flee the base, he knew they would find him defeated and injured in the snow, could picture the disdain on General Hux’s face as they lifted his prone body back into the space craft. 

He had failed. The girl had escaped with the missing piece of the map that led to Skywalker still locked inside her mind, and in the process had discovered her own affinity with the Force and destroyed Starkiller base all because of him. He had called off the hunt for the droid, opting instead to take the girl aboard his ship in order to extract the information they needed to wipe out the Jedi Order once and for all. 

But he had failed. Worse than failing, he thought, was the feeling of weakness he felt deep in his core, settling over every nerve. It was like that feeling when you are fast asleep and try to run, but your body refuses to move, achingly slow when you start to make progress. 

The moment Han Solo walked onto that bridge, he was meant to put an end to it all. Han Solo’s death was meant to strengthen him, it was meant to bathe him in the darkness, to stop the war inside of him between the Light and the Dark, and to finally free him of his suffering. As he watched the father he had once known fall to the depths, all he could feel was shock at what he had done. Time had seemed to slow around him, he could feel the pounding of his heart in his chest, the blood rushing in his ears, and the cold air where the girl, Rey, and FN-2187 stood shouting down at him. It was the blast to his abdomen that shook him from his daze, setting his skin on fire as he buckled from the pain. He heard the familiar roar of Han Solo’s beloved friend Chewbacca and then suddenly the world around him began to explode into flames. 

It didn’t take him long to navigate his way out of the base in pursuit of the two who had been watching the exchange between himself and Solo, being familiar with the layout and having a keen sense of direction with the Force. The pain only fueled his rage as he battled them in the forest, until his rage subsided into fear as the girl channeled the Force and sent him to his knees with the very cerulean lightsaber his grandfather had wielded so many decades earlier. 

Now as he lay on the frozen earth, chest heaving, he could still picture her face in his mind. The scavenger girl from Jakku with her ragged clothes, wide hazel eyes, and freckles that dotted her face from years in the sun. The girl who had pushed her way into his thoughts, had seen his fear underneath the mask he wore, almost effortlessly.

When he first heard that the resistance pilot being held captive had escaped with one of the First Order’s own, he knew it had been the stormtrooper from that night on Jakku, FN-2187. When he had been told that the droid carrying the final piece of the map to Skywalker had been accompanied off of the desert planet by the same fugitive and a girl, he knew it was her. It was the girl who haunted his dreams with child-like laughter and a light in her eyes so bright he would wake seeing spots.

The very same girl he hadn’t seen in fifteen years until he found her on his pursuit for the droid, scared and wielding a blaster on Takodana. It had been fifteen years and yet he knew her immediately.

Yes, he knew her. He knew her from a long long time ago.

As he felt the ground rumble beneath him and the cold air bite at his skin, he could picture it all. He recalled Rey, unconscious and upright, in the interrogation chair, unable to stop himself from remembering the girl he had once known at Sykwalker’s Jedi Academy. He had noticed that she still wore her hair the way she had as a child, three knots on the back of her head with loose tendrils framing her face. She still had that concerned curve in her brow, and wide set mouth, then set in a frown. He noticed the clothes she wore, dusty and useful in the desert perhaps, but making her stand out like a sore thumb on the ship they were currently on.

She had grown up. There were traces of her child self within her still, but he knew she was much stronger than even he could imagine. She had become a survivor from her time alone on the desert planet, that much he knew for sure. He noticed the thinness of her face and the wiry muscles running up and down her arms, her dark eyelashes casting half moons atop her cheekbones. When she had claimed he was nothing but a creature hunting her in a mask, he had felt something take hold of him akin to resentment for the persona he had created for himself. For a moment, he almost wanted her to recognize him the way that he had recognized her. When he removed the mask and stood in front of her, nothing in the way to hide himself from her, he felt disappointment creep in at her curious gaze, no hint of recognition coming over her features.

In that moment, Kylo Ren knew he was being torn apart. 

The light in her called to him for reasons he still could not understand. When his eyes, dark like coffee grinds met with her hazel, he felt a tug in his chest pointing him straight to her. When they had fought in the forest, the words had tumbled from his mouth before he could think to catch them.

“You need a teacher.”

He had seen her loneliness, the desertion she had felt when she was finally able to accept that the family she had been waiting for on Jakku was never coming back. He had felt a connection to her unlike any he had ever know. He could feel what she felt, could relate to her and knew that if given the chance, she could relate to him on the same level as well.

Her light was calling to him, he found himself balancing precariously on the ledge between the Light and the Dark side once more, feelings he tried time and time again to settle making their way back to the forefront of his mind. He knew her, and he wanted to know her again. 

He became aware of the sounds of a ship approaching above him, he knew it was the First Order descending, and preparing to lift him inside. The burns on his skin were a dull ache, numbed by the cold, yet rendering him immobile in his state. 

As a light from an opening door came over him, he forced a stoic expression on his face, smoothing out his features, and attempting to lift himself up on one arm, to no avail. Hands grabbed at him, lifted him from his underarms through the entry way, and set him on the solid floors. 

Despite his apathy to those around him on the crowded ship, inside, Kylo Ren was being torn apart. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was something that just came to me, so I wrote it all down and am now posting it (without editing) for whoever feels like reading it.
> 
> I hope you maybe possibly slightly liked it?? Any comments would be greatly appreciated!!


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